I Have Forgotten 01.28.19

I have forgotten.
And yet I haven’t.
That’s how life is.

You were always within my thoughts.
And never within them.

You are not all consuming.
You are never forgotten.

There are reminders that I have intentionally set.
There are reminders that were supposed to be on their own.

It hasn’t worked that way this year.
Not really last year either.

It flowed the first night.
And one year later.
I had to ‘word smith’ it last year.
Apparently this year too.

It doesn’t have to be in one stream.
As most of mine do.
It’s OK for it to be multiple.
I have no problem tying 1 to 2.

I have not thought of you as often.
Or as always or used to do.
But there are reminders.
And I still love you.

Tonight this came out in one stream.
Thinking I had nothing to say.
But in that moment that you sit back and look.
There is always more at play.

DGD  01.28.19

You. Us. 01.28.20

Right there with you...

Is there something else 

I could have done 

I know the answer to that 

I tried to be what you needed 

You said you wanted my help 

After I tried 

You would change your mind 

Became mad when I was near 

Causing pain and keeping me away

What I have come to know is

I did all I could

Gave you all I had to offer

The rest was up to you

I have my peace with that

With you

From afar... 

I thought I tried 

To be there for you

Call you

Visit you

In the real picture

I couldn’t help you

Not in your way

At least not that I knew how

But you didn’t want it anyway

Or that’s how I felt

We thought we may help you

But it just made you mad

There’s nothing to get down

There’s nothing to get off my chest

No more to feel sad (maybe to say)

Close to you... 

I’ve known you from your first light

When you opened your eyes and a future so bright

None of us saw where you lost your way

I may have thought I/we knew

But how could we really

I just saw the decent

Not realizing where it would go

I love you wholeheartedly 

With out a cloud of expectation

I mourned you the same way

Now I remember you with fondness 

But not with clouds of bias

Us...

Kindness

Distance

Warmth

Guarded

Love

Cold

Heartfelt

Desperate

Thoughtful

DGD  01.28.20