Radio Silence

How long has it been
Since we talked
Chimed in

It's been so quiet
Maybe to quiet
Has this gone for too long

This wasn't the first time
It wouldn't be the last
A repeat of history
The continued recent past

How could we know
Why would we have thought
That this time you called
It was the last

I saw your name on the screen
Listened to your message
Thought I'd give it a few days
Let your mind get clear

My thoughts tend to race
Were you in pain
Lonely, sad, wishing to connect
What did you want to say

What did you think
Was your mind clear
Could you know
That your time was so near

Thoughts and words
Fly through the air
You talked to others
Knowing your state

Did you know what it did
How your voice would hurt
Deciding to screen your call
Delaying that moments pain

Waiting before I tried
Listening to the rings
Hoping your mail box 
Would take the call

I finally deleted your message
I don't want to remember 
Your voice in that way

I try to not think
Of the radio silence
From those days

For today 
The radio is silent
And it will remain that way

DGD 04.20.16

I Have Not Forgotten 01.28.17

I have not forgotten you.
That has not begun to start.
It is just that the pain I have felt
...it no longer resides in my heart.

I know you wanted to live.
How you wanted to be in our lives.
To see your family,
The beautiful glow in your granddaughters eyes.

Your path was tricky and a bit rough.
The steps you took would always trip you up.
Even though in your past, 
You were pretty darn tough.

Your memory has not dimmed.
I can recall you, your face, easily.
I not only remember you,
It is all the beautiful things you had done.

I recall the moments,
The moments of disappointment too.
It is ok for me to feel sad,
And the times that I get mad.

I am ok with the occasional tear,
To be frustrated with the path you chose.
It is ok for me to move away from those emotions,
And to realize that guilt is a silly notion.

I no longer feel wrong about not seeing you.
We all make choices.
You did.
I did too.

I wrote a poem about the last time we talked.
How I finally deleted your last message.
Now that more time has passed, 
It is amazing how thoughts are vested.

When I think of that last evidence of your voice,
That if for some reason it still existed, 
I would delete it again.
Although, the reasons would be different.

I remember how much you loved your mom,
And watching football with your dad.
I'm pretty sure he's why you read.

I remember how much you enjoyed those books,
And how happy you'd be when I finally picked one up.
Even though it was a graphic novel,
Ok... a comic book.

It is ok for me to talk about you,
Because you see, 
I have not forgotten you.
I remember.
I remember all of you.

DGD 01.28.17