I Have Not Forgotten 01.28.17

I have not forgotten you.
That has not begun to start.
It is just that the pain I have felt
...it no longer resides in my heart.

I know you wanted to live.
How you wanted to be in our lives.
To see your family,
The beautiful glow in your granddaughters eyes.

Your path was tricky and a bit rough.
The steps you took would always trip you up.
Even though in your past, 
You were pretty darn tough.

Your memory has not dimmed.
I can recall you, your face, easily.
I not only remember you,
It is all the beautiful things you had done.

I recall the moments,
The moments of disappointment too.
It is ok for me to feel sad,
And the times that I get mad.

I am ok with the occasional tear,
To be frustrated with the path you chose.
It is ok for me to move away from those emotions,
And to realize that guilt is a silly notion.

I no longer feel wrong about not seeing you.
We all make choices.
You did.
I did too.

I wrote a poem about the last time we talked.
How I finally deleted your last message.
Now that more time has passed, 
It is amazing how thoughts are vested.

When I think of that last evidence of your voice,
That if for some reason it still existed, 
I would delete it again.
Although, the reasons would be different.

I remember how much you loved your mom,
And watching football with your dad.
I'm pretty sure he's why you read.

I remember how much you enjoyed those books,
And how happy you'd be when I finally picked one up.
Even though it was a graphic novel,
Ok... a comic book.

It is ok for me to talk about you,
Because you see, 
I have not forgotten you.
I remember.
I remember all of you.

DGD 01.28.17