This is weird
So strange
I have been
And have not been
Thinking about you
About what I would say for days...
You enter my mind now and then
The most random of times.
Some thoughts are good
Memories and events from the past
Some thoughts are bad
It had been a year since I'd seen you last.
When I think of you and try to picture your face
I know time does not stop and images fade
Into the distance and haze.
I still haven't figured out what I'm saying
What it is I want you to hear...
Your steps we followed in passion
Not knowing the fears you keep
That is not my future
I will not be afraid to leap.
You gave your path to fears
Shy'd away from thoughts and dreams
The ones you would not seek.
You stopped
Never looking for you future
Unwilling to leave the past behind.
I have learned from you
Not to view the world from your eyes...
I can rejoice in my strength
Be the person I am
My quirks to shine like starts above.
I do not know what turns lie ahead
I know not all are mine alone
A journey to be had with love.
I am...
Excited for life to unfold
Right in front of us
Waiting to be pulled in near.
I am...
Joining the adventures that await
Oh the experiences we will have
Creating tales yet to hear.
I know what it is I am trying to say
What it is that I want you to hear...
Goodbye
I haven't been trying to hold on
Trying to keep you here.
I don't have to always remember you
I won't forget you either.
I am letting go of anger
Letting go of what I think you have done.
I am letting go of sadness
Letting go of what I think you should have done.
I will let the past stay where it should
I will lean in to the future
Most importantly
I will enjoy each and every moment
Right now
With an open heart and love.
DGD 01.28.18
Sunday, January 28, 2018
Tuesday, April 18, 2017
Nostalgia
Nostalgia creeps up on you,
Surprises you,
From places you cannot see.
It's the little white trashcan.
Watching your husbands toe,
as it presses the pedal down.
Nostalgia is funny in that moment,
How it creates such emotion...
To watch the lid just barely peek open,
Before it flings wide exaggeratedly.
Suddenly I'm drug into visions past.
Seeing the trashcan in my childhood home.
Wondering how this can could last,
and last some test of time.
Grateful that my husband said
'I want that in my home'.
Only for me to flash forward,
See my daughter look at the can.
Does she wonder...
How long will this can last in my home?
As you span through time,
And find these little things.
That seem to mean nothing.
That can set your heart on fire.
Feeling amazed by these small things,
How they bring a tear to your eye.
Will I hear my daughter say,
'I remember this trashcan in my house
And wondered how did it last.'
It's the silly little things,
Those things that sit in the corner.
That nostalgia uses.
Keeping you centered.
To keep you home.
DGD 04.17.17
Nostalgia creeps up on you and surprises you places you cannot see
While you watch your husbands toe press the pedal down in the lead flinging open quite exaggeratedly.
It's funny how that moment can create such emotion...to watch the lid just barely peek before it flings wide open. Suddenly I'm drug into visions past and seeing the trashcan in my childhood home wondering how this last.
grateful that my husband has been said I want that in my home only for me to flash forward and see my daughter wonder how did this last in my home
then as you span through time and find that these little things that seem to mean nothing can set your heart on fire and amazed of these don't bring a tear to your eye when you hear your daughter say I remember this trashcan in my house and wondered how did it last. Only to have my husband look at it and want to bring it home
it's the silly little things that in the corner still. That nostalgia uses to keep you centered and keep you home.
Surprises you,
From places you cannot see.
It's the little white trashcan.
Watching your husbands toe,
as it presses the pedal down.
Nostalgia is funny in that moment,
How it creates such emotion...
To watch the lid just barely peek open,
Before it flings wide exaggeratedly.
Suddenly I'm drug into visions past.
Seeing the trashcan in my childhood home.
Wondering how this can could last,
and last some test of time.
Grateful that my husband said
'I want that in my home'.
Only for me to flash forward,
See my daughter look at the can.
Does she wonder...
How long will this can last in my home?
As you span through time,
And find these little things.
That seem to mean nothing.
That can set your heart on fire.
Feeling amazed by these small things,
How they bring a tear to your eye.
Will I hear my daughter say,
'I remember this trashcan in my house
And wondered how did it last.'
It's the silly little things,
Those things that sit in the corner.
That nostalgia uses.
Keeping you centered.
To keep you home.
DGD 04.17.17
Nostalgia creeps up on you and surprises you places you cannot see
While you watch your husbands toe press the pedal down in the lead flinging open quite exaggeratedly.
It's funny how that moment can create such emotion...to watch the lid just barely peek before it flings wide open. Suddenly I'm drug into visions past and seeing the trashcan in my childhood home wondering how this last.
grateful that my husband has been said I want that in my home only for me to flash forward and see my daughter wonder how did this last in my home
then as you span through time and find that these little things that seem to mean nothing can set your heart on fire and amazed of these don't bring a tear to your eye when you hear your daughter say I remember this trashcan in my house and wondered how did it last. Only to have my husband look at it and want to bring it home
it's the silly little things that in the corner still. That nostalgia uses to keep you centered and keep you home.
Saturday, January 28, 2017
Radio Silence
How long has it been
Since we talked
Chimed in
It's been so quiet
Maybe to quiet
Has this gone for too long
This wasn't the first time
It wouldn't be the last
A repeat of history
The continued recent past
How could we know
Why would we have thought
That this time you called
It was the last
I saw your name on the screen
Listened to your message
Thought I'd give it a few days
Let your mind get clear
My thoughts tend to race
Were you in pain
Lonely, sad, wishing to connect
What did you want to say
What did you think
Was your mind clear
Could you know
That your time was so near
Thoughts and words
Fly through the air
You talked to others
Knowing your state
Did you know what it did
How your voice would hurt
Deciding to screen your call
Delaying that moments pain
Waiting before I tried
Listening to the rings
Hoping your mail box
Would take the call
I finally deleted your message
I don't want to remember
Your voice in that way
I try to not think
Of the radio silence
From those days
For today
The radio is silent
And it will remain that way
DGD 04.20.16
Since we talked
Chimed in
It's been so quiet
Maybe to quiet
Has this gone for too long
This wasn't the first time
It wouldn't be the last
A repeat of history
The continued recent past
How could we know
Why would we have thought
That this time you called
It was the last
I saw your name on the screen
Listened to your message
Thought I'd give it a few days
Let your mind get clear
My thoughts tend to race
Were you in pain
Lonely, sad, wishing to connect
What did you want to say
What did you think
Was your mind clear
Could you know
That your time was so near
Thoughts and words
Fly through the air
You talked to others
Knowing your state
Did you know what it did
How your voice would hurt
Deciding to screen your call
Delaying that moments pain
Waiting before I tried
Listening to the rings
Hoping your mail box
Would take the call
I finally deleted your message
I don't want to remember
Your voice in that way
I try to not think
Of the radio silence
From those days
For today
The radio is silent
And it will remain that way
DGD 04.20.16
I Have Not Forgotten 01.28.17
I have not forgotten you.
That has not begun to start.
It is just that the pain I have felt
...it no longer resides in my heart.
I know you wanted to live.
How you wanted to be in our lives.
To see your family,
The beautiful glow in your granddaughters eyes.
Your path was tricky and a bit rough.
The steps you took would always trip you up.
Even though in your past,
You were pretty darn tough.
Your memory has not dimmed.
I can recall you, your face, easily.
I not only remember you,
It is all the beautiful things you had done.
I recall the moments,
The moments of disappointment too.
It is ok for me to feel sad,
And the times that I get mad.
I am ok with the occasional tear,
To be frustrated with the path you chose.
It is ok for me to move away from those emotions,
And to realize that guilt is a silly notion.
I no longer feel wrong about not seeing you.
We all make choices.
You did.
I did too.
I wrote a poem about the last time we talked.
How I finally deleted your last message.
Now that more time has passed,
It is amazing how thoughts are vested.
When I think of that last evidence of your voice,
That if for some reason it still existed,
I would delete it again.
Although, the reasons would be different.
I remember how much you loved your mom,
And watching football with your dad.
I'm pretty sure he's why you read.
I remember how much you enjoyed those books,
And how happy you'd be when I finally picked one up.
Even though it was a graphic novel,
Ok... a comic book.
It is ok for me to talk about you,
Because you see,
I have not forgotten you.
I remember.
I remember all of you.
DGD 01.28.17
That has not begun to start.
It is just that the pain I have felt
...it no longer resides in my heart.
I know you wanted to live.
How you wanted to be in our lives.
To see your family,
The beautiful glow in your granddaughters eyes.
Your path was tricky and a bit rough.
The steps you took would always trip you up.
Even though in your past,
You were pretty darn tough.
Your memory has not dimmed.
I can recall you, your face, easily.
I not only remember you,
It is all the beautiful things you had done.
I recall the moments,
The moments of disappointment too.
It is ok for me to feel sad,
And the times that I get mad.
I am ok with the occasional tear,
To be frustrated with the path you chose.
It is ok for me to move away from those emotions,
And to realize that guilt is a silly notion.
I no longer feel wrong about not seeing you.
We all make choices.
You did.
I did too.
I wrote a poem about the last time we talked.
How I finally deleted your last message.
Now that more time has passed,
It is amazing how thoughts are vested.
When I think of that last evidence of your voice,
That if for some reason it still existed,
I would delete it again.
Although, the reasons would be different.
I remember how much you loved your mom,
And watching football with your dad.
I'm pretty sure he's why you read.
I remember how much you enjoyed those books,
And how happy you'd be when I finally picked one up.
Even though it was a graphic novel,
Ok... a comic book.
It is ok for me to talk about you,
Because you see,
I have not forgotten you.
I remember.
I remember all of you.
DGD 01.28.17
Tuesday, June 14, 2016
Beautiful Dark World 01.28.15
Beautiful dark world
Comfort and fear
Smile and tear
Joy and sadness
Driving to madness
Need and loathing
Want and boding
Hiding to release
Pain now peace
Suffering to cease
There is no more madness
No more tears,
Ending the pain and fears
I love you
And should have told you
But I knew
So do you
Your pain has passed
This will too
I will always be loving you
You’re amazing, smart, wonderful and kind
Putting this out there
I refuse to hide
Caring, loving and suffering
The beauty, brilliance and blind
I cannot image your pain
You know I love you
I’ll say it again.
DGD 01.28.15
I Know What You’re Thinking 01.28.16
I know what you’re thinking
I have heard what some say
It wasn’t a moment too soon
It’s better this way
She had nothing more
Nothing left to give
You know she would never bloom
Not while she lived
It was difficult to look close
But stop and look I ask
Look past her indiscretion
The foul choices though vast
Her beauty that shimmered
Warmth spreading from her heart
It was there for all to see
You only need to pull the shades a part
It was so hard to see
That her beauty ran deep
Even she looked away
Never willing to seek
We had forgotten
And it scared her too
Do I have anything to offer
Is there anything left to give
Set out on your journey
Don’t deter from your path
Be courageous to venture
Enjoy the suns warm bath
Move into the golden field
Don’t hide in the canopy of trees
Let the sun hit your face
The moon flicker in your eyes
You have all we need
And more now than thought
Love is never ending
Even though apart
Her peace has come
Not a moment too soon
But never forget
We all watched her bloom
DGD 01.28.16
For Jen
You ran and hiked, worried and kept me upright.
Together we walked along our path, unless we sat and watched the barely star-lit night.
We walked, talked and listened; sometimes in silence.
Reaching to the morning rise, for the sun, me and our endless smiles.
Goals to be met as the sun we hoped would not set.
Breathing, stepping... never to relent.
With the depth of friends, a dream shall never sleep as reach-less again.
DGD 09.28.15
Together we walked along our path, unless we sat and watched the barely star-lit night.
We walked, talked and listened; sometimes in silence.
Reaching to the morning rise, for the sun, me and our endless smiles.
Goals to be met as the sun we hoped would not set.
Breathing, stepping... never to relent.
With the depth of friends, a dream shall never sleep as reach-less again.
DGD 09.28.15
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